Sometimes it's scary liking someone so much, and having them like me back. I don't know what to do, how to act, what to say, who to be. There are so many unknowns that sometimes I feel a little lost. Mostly I just wander around in our relationship wondering what the heck I am doing. I know I like him. I don't doubt that. I know he likes me. I don't doubt that either. What I doubt is our ability to make a relationship work. We say we are "just friends" for now. I am beginning to think everyone is right in saying there is no such thing as "just friends". Today he announced to me that it's our 5 month. I was like, 5 month what? We are not dating. I realized he meant five months since we told each other how we felt. It was weird. Like...he felt it was significant and meant something. But really, isn't it just another day? Yeah, it was a big deal to express our feelings. But it seems a little cheesy to celebrate 5 months since we talked about liking each other...If it were 5 months since we started dating or got engaged or married or something, I think that would be different.
I just feel like I don't know what I am doing here. It's like, I really really like him, but I don't know what to do with those feelings. I also don't know how I got in this deep. I wasn't supposed to. This was never part of my plan. HE was never part of my plan. My plans are all over the place and I don't even know what I want anymore. I am starting to feel like there are expectations that I have to live up to and that I have to act like a girlfriend when I am not actually his girlfriend. It's exhausting. The thing is, he is not putting those expectations on me. I am. I have no one to blame for this but myself. So now what?
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